Soxian Concerns

There are some serious Soxian issues that must be addressed. Even though it is quite early in the season, some major problems have become apparent. If these concerns are not responded to in a timely manner, it is possible that I will not receive my new couch for free.

Dustin Pedroia needs to stop doing commercials. Immediately. Those Sullivan Tire commercials are just horrendous. I'd much rather watch him dance. I am sure I am not alone in this. Watching a whole season's worth of these commercials might be worse than watching a whole season's worth of Julio Lugo "play defense."

That guy in New York who buried a Sox jersey underneath the new Yankee Stadium- what was he thinking? Serious breach of protocol. You can't just go burying things under the new Yankee Stadium on a whim. You certainly don't want to publicize it, at least not until the time is right. There are steps to be followed, approvals to be acquired. He should have paid the (nominal) application fee, and stated his case at a meeting. If his submission was approved, it would have been logged in The Archives, and we would have assigned Tim Van Egmond to see to the insertion. (Note: We have former Sox P Van Egmond on retainer, NOT the storyteller/folk singer Van Egmond.) I've got so much stuff buried under the new Yankee and Met ballparks, that both franchises will be cursed for millenia. When my contributions are discovered centuries from now, The Archives will ensure my legacy.

The Sox have been erratic on the field, so far, but their pregame shenanigans have been spot-on. They have had some brilliantly-conceived theme nights this past week, which have flown under the radar. In case you missed it, Japanese-American Night included real, live ninjas battling on the warning track. I'm not sure who came up with the idea to have two of the fourteen ninjas on the active roster at the time battle for their Sox lives, but that was one, inspired idea. Usually the decision of whether to keep Bryan Corey, or David Aaardsma, would have involved a bunch of scouts and statisticians battling it out, with words. Swords are much better. As Corey and Aaardsma fought on the Green Monster's ladder, I realized that there was no way the loser would pass through waivers. Ninjas are almost as rare as southpaws these days. (I also wondered if anyone would notice if Aardsma added another "a" to the front of his surname. Probably not.)

As good as Japanese-American Night was, I think I enjoyed Native American Night even more. It was pretty cool watching the lacrosse match in right field. The Detroit Tigers relief corps enjoyed it too, even opening their bullpen door, and watching the game from the warning track. That might have been a bigger mistake than trading for Dontrelle Willis. The lacrosse players pulled out concealed tomahawks, and stormed the Tiger bullpen. Even though Detroit had a complement of eight men in the pen, only two (Todd Jones and Bobby Seay) remained after the vicious attack. Fortunately for Detroit, the six fallen relievers were only of AAA-quality, and, thus, easily replaceable. (RIP, Jason Grilli!)

When race cars took over the TV screen in the 9th inning of Saturday's game, I originally thought it was a promo for Redneck American Night. But, alas, FOX had decided to pre-empt the glorious conclusion of another Sox win. Obviously, it was of vital importance that we didn't miss a second of the fast cars turning left for hours. Even the (few) remaining NASCAR neophytes realize how crucial the first (of 312) lap is. It's a shame that FOX didn't have the technology to come up with another solution. Someday, the means to show multiple programs on the same screen, simultaneously, will be available. That will be a good day. (Especially during the NHL Playoffs.)