The Return of The Curse

(The following is an excerpt from the opening chapter of CHB's "The Return of The Curse." Published in December 2011, after the Boston Red Sox won their 5th consecutive World Championship, it examines how one week in April 2008 set the tone for a modern baseball dynasty.)


There were fewer casualties at Antietam. There was less anguish during the Irish Potato Famine. The Bubonic Plague had spread through the Red Sox clubhouse- Murphy and his Law were ravaging the roster. The bad moon had risen over the Monster Seats. The Boston Nine needed a hero. But with Neil Diamond on tour, Larry Bird unavailable, and Curt Schilling overweight and disabled, to whom would they turn?

The Great Bill Belichick would have responded with a gaggle of cliches. "It is what it is," the football mastermind would state. Curt Schilling probably had plenty to say, but no one was listening. Luckily, Theo followed Bird's example, and remained calm, and in control. He directed his Minions to beat the bushes, which they did every bit as hard as Charles Robert Watts beats the drumskins. Branch Rickey and Pete Best would have been proud. The Sox would face a TET Offensive of disease with a band of hardy souls fighting their own personal battles with The Mendoza Line.

Dennis Haskins and John Ritter were in attendance on April 24th, 2008, but the Sox lineup they saw was no laughing matter. Southpaw Justin (no relation to Bat) Masterson made his major league debut. He probably could have used some of Schilling's sage advice, but the rotund pitcher was playing Pac-Man somewhere. Schilling is no Larry Bird. Schill's not even Al Nipper. The immortal Kevin Forrest Cash was Masterson's batterymate. Man-Ram was in left, piling up monstrous numbers, but contributing little. Julio Lugo positioned himself between the second and third sacks, providing half the defensive prowess that Bobby Doerr had provided at the position. Was this a playoff team? Get a grip.

(I'm pretty surprised CHB's publisher sent me a review copy of the book. They must have looked at the blog label list, and not read any of the content in this space.
Actually, I'm even more surprised that CHB found a publisher. Nothing new for CHB here- forced pop/historical references, a bit of Schill/Theo/Belichick-hate, and an obvious need for a good fact-checker. He took a week five seasons ago that no one remembers, and tried to attach major significance to it. It will be easier to find a living room in New England without any free Jordan's furniture, than a New England bookshelf with this masterpiece on it. Though, I must admit that adopting "CHB" as his pen name was a mildly amusing move.)