The Return of The Curse

(The following is an excerpt from the opening chapter of CHB's "The Return of The Curse." Published in December 2011, after the Boston Red Sox won their 5th consecutive World Championship, it examines how one week in April 2008 set the tone for a modern baseball dynasty.)


There were fewer casualties at Antietam. There was less anguish during the Irish Potato Famine. The Bubonic Plague had spread through the Red Sox clubhouse- Murphy and his Law were ravaging the roster. The bad moon had risen over the Monster Seats. The Boston Nine needed a hero. But with Neil Diamond on tour, Larry Bird unavailable, and Curt Schilling overweight and disabled, to whom would they turn?

The Great Bill Belichick would have responded with a gaggle of cliches. "It is what it is," the football mastermind would state. Curt Schilling probably had plenty to say, but no one was listening. Luckily, Theo followed Bird's example, and remained calm, and in control. He directed his Minions to beat the bushes, which they did every bit as hard as Charles Robert Watts beats the drumskins. Branch Rickey and Pete Best would have been proud. The Sox would face a TET Offensive of disease with a band of hardy souls fighting their own personal battles with The Mendoza Line.

Dennis Haskins and John Ritter were in attendance on April 24th, 2008, but the Sox lineup they saw was no laughing matter. Southpaw Justin (no relation to Bat) Masterson made his major league debut. He probably could have used some of Schilling's sage advice, but the rotund pitcher was playing Pac-Man somewhere. Schilling is no Larry Bird. Schill's not even Al Nipper. The immortal Kevin Forrest Cash was Masterson's batterymate. Man-Ram was in left, piling up monstrous numbers, but contributing little. Julio Lugo positioned himself between the second and third sacks, providing half the defensive prowess that Bobby Doerr had provided at the position. Was this a playoff team? Get a grip.

(I'm pretty surprised CHB's publisher sent me a review copy of the book. They must have looked at the blog label list, and not read any of the content in this space.
Actually, I'm even more surprised that CHB found a publisher. Nothing new for CHB here- forced pop/historical references, a bit of Schill/Theo/Belichick-hate, and an obvious need for a good fact-checker. He took a week five seasons ago that no one remembers, and tried to attach major significance to it. It will be easier to find a living room in New England without any free Jordan's furniture, than a New England bookshelf with this masterpiece on it. Though, I must admit that adopting "CHB" as his pen name was a mildly amusing move.)

Sox Complete Sweep

The Sox improved to an AL-best 14-7 today, completing their sweep of the Texas Rangers. They have won nine of their last ten. Were you worried when they were 5-6? Well, quit worrying. Joe Thurston's not worried. Look at him- hugging it out with Brad Mills. The Law of Large Numbers isn't worried, either. The Maths and the replacement-level roster fillers all believe in the Sox' superiority.

Boston started a lineup with plenty of backups today, including Cash, Macha, Thurston, and Lugo. It didn't matter. The Sox don't lose on fake Masachusetts/Maine/Wisconsin holidays. The Rangers would have been better served taking the day off, watching that big race, and shielding their ERAs from further damage.

One question did come to mind today, however. No, not "Why do all of the Joe Thurston- Red Sox pictures on the internets seem to involve him hugging someone?" The answer to that is, obviously, because he is thankful for not being released, and forced to play in the Independent Leagues. The question is,"How come I did not know until today that Curt Schilling-voiced GPS's were available?" This is a brilliant idea. Or, at least, a brilliant start of an idea. Pedroia. Tavarez. Ramirez. Beckett. Papelbon. They all need to be represented in the GPS genre. I would buy every single one of them. AND a different car for each. Forget about retirement, I'll keep working well past Macha's age, if that's what it takes. This NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

Now, I shall watch the hockey. While fantasizing of a Pedroia-voiced GPS.

Soxian Concerns

There are some serious Soxian issues that must be addressed. Even though it is quite early in the season, some major problems have become apparent. If these concerns are not responded to in a timely manner, it is possible that I will not receive my new couch for free.

Dustin Pedroia needs to stop doing commercials. Immediately. Those Sullivan Tire commercials are just horrendous. I'd much rather watch him dance. I am sure I am not alone in this. Watching a whole season's worth of these commercials might be worse than watching a whole season's worth of Julio Lugo "play defense."

That guy in New York who buried a Sox jersey underneath the new Yankee Stadium- what was he thinking? Serious breach of protocol. You can't just go burying things under the new Yankee Stadium on a whim. You certainly don't want to publicize it, at least not until the time is right. There are steps to be followed, approvals to be acquired. He should have paid the (nominal) application fee, and stated his case at a meeting. If his submission was approved, it would have been logged in The Archives, and we would have assigned Tim Van Egmond to see to the insertion. (Note: We have former Sox P Van Egmond on retainer, NOT the storyteller/folk singer Van Egmond.) I've got so much stuff buried under the new Yankee and Met ballparks, that both franchises will be cursed for millenia. When my contributions are discovered centuries from now, The Archives will ensure my legacy.

The Sox have been erratic on the field, so far, but their pregame shenanigans have been spot-on. They have had some brilliantly-conceived theme nights this past week, which have flown under the radar. In case you missed it, Japanese-American Night included real, live ninjas battling on the warning track. I'm not sure who came up with the idea to have two of the fourteen ninjas on the active roster at the time battle for their Sox lives, but that was one, inspired idea. Usually the decision of whether to keep Bryan Corey, or David Aaardsma, would have involved a bunch of scouts and statisticians battling it out, with words. Swords are much better. As Corey and Aaardsma fought on the Green Monster's ladder, I realized that there was no way the loser would pass through waivers. Ninjas are almost as rare as southpaws these days. (I also wondered if anyone would notice if Aardsma added another "a" to the front of his surname. Probably not.)

As good as Japanese-American Night was, I think I enjoyed Native American Night even more. It was pretty cool watching the lacrosse match in right field. The Detroit Tigers relief corps enjoyed it too, even opening their bullpen door, and watching the game from the warning track. That might have been a bigger mistake than trading for Dontrelle Willis. The lacrosse players pulled out concealed tomahawks, and stormed the Tiger bullpen. Even though Detroit had a complement of eight men in the pen, only two (Todd Jones and Bobby Seay) remained after the vicious attack. Fortunately for Detroit, the six fallen relievers were only of AAA-quality, and, thus, easily replaceable. (RIP, Jason Grilli!)

When race cars took over the TV screen in the 9th inning of Saturday's game, I originally thought it was a promo for Redneck American Night. But, alas, FOX had decided to pre-empt the glorious conclusion of another Sox win. Obviously, it was of vital importance that we didn't miss a second of the fast cars turning left for hours. Even the (few) remaining NASCAR neophytes realize how crucial the first (of 312) lap is. It's a shame that FOX didn't have the technology to come up with another solution. Someday, the means to show multiple programs on the same screen, simultaneously, will be available. That will be a good day. (Especially during the NHL Playoffs.)

Sometimes it's more than a game...

Wow. An incredible pregame ceremony, followed by a dominating Daisuke/bullpen shutout of the disheveled Detroit Tigers. I almost wish I had spent that chunk of disposable income on Opening Day tickets, instead of on those Clemens-used gauze pads. Though the gauze pads are a better long-term investment, it would have been amazing to have been at Fenway today.

There were so many great moments. The reasonably-priced flyover. Tedy Bruschi, Johnny Bucyk, and Curt Leskanic on the field with Championship Trophies of their own. Pesky and Papi leading the team into the outfield to hoist the flag. Manny and Pesky sharing a moment in the outfield, until G38 butted in. The reanimated corpse of Steven Tyler performing "God Bless America."

There were a few disappointments. Kyle Snyder was not in attendance to receive his ring. Instead of using the money from the Green Monster auctions to reanimate Steven Tyler for a day, they should have chosen, instead, to reanimate Ted Williams. Or perhaps John Henry. Even more disturbingly, CHB was permitted in the ballpark AND on NESN. (Inexcusable.) The announcement that "Boston's most popular musicians" would be performing preceded The Boston Pops, as opposed to Dream Theater. Neil Diamond indicated that he would be at Fenway this summer, to do "Sweet Caroline" live. But, as it turns out, he will be playing an actual concert, instead of that one song at a Sox game. (Remy shared my confusion/dismay upon figuring out the truth.)

Two moments stood among all the others, at least to me. Obviously, Bill Buckner throwing out the first pitch was one of them. A statement that "The Curse", if it ever truly existed, is a thing of the past. The distant past. The current team is a perennial contender. While the failures of past decades will never be forgotten, they may be forgiven, or at least not hurt quite as much.
(Except for Dent, the Bagwell trade, and not re-signing James, which are all still seriously pissing me off.)

My favorite moment from today- Tim Wakefield and Johnny Pesky walking back to the infield after the celebration, arms around each other, Wakefield bending slightly as he spoke to Pesky.
Just. Perfect.

Where Are They Now? J.D. Drew

(The following was originally
published in the February 11, 2027 edition of BostonGlobeOnline. It was the 7th installment of the "2007 Sox: Where Are They Now?" series.)


J.D. Drew always felt a little out of place. It just seemed like he wasn't where he was supposed to be. While he was fairly successful as a Major League player, his considerable physical abilities indicated that he was capable of much more. Nagging injuries often kept him out of the lineup, and sapped his productivity when he was able to play. His detractors referred to him as "D.L. Drew" or "Nancy", criticizing the outfielder for his inability to stay on the field. The most vociferous of his critics implied that his injuries were more imagined, than real. But, to Drew, those injuries were very real. It was his body trying to send him a message.

As a professional athlete, Drew realized how important it was to take care of his body. A ballplayer's career is relatively short, so Drew knew it was crucial to do whatever necessary to maximize his income. Drew never smoked, or consumed alcohol, and he resisted the tempations of performance-enhancing drugs. Instead, a devout Christian, Drew filled his body with God. In his efforts to maximize his ball-playing income, he often made decisions that were seen as "disloyal." But Drew's choices were guided by his loyalties to his family, and to his Savior.

When it came to Drew's baseball career, there is no argument that Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein was the one who saved it. Much to the dismay of the Red Sox' corner of the blogosphere, Epstein signed Drew to a lucrative free agent deal prior to the 2007 season. During that less-enlightened era, the blogosphere fanbase (bfb) had little input on such decisions. (Ironically, Epstein is credited for pioneering the current practice of acquiring the blogosphere fan bases' consent before proceeding with personnel moves of any kind.) As is typically the case, the bfb's concerns proved valid, and Drew struggled through one of his worst statistical seasons.

Prior to the 2008 season, Drew's stock dropped further. He struggled in Spring Training. Privately, he was criticized by his teammates for declining to participate in a dance contest. In fantasy baseball drafts, he was selected after the likes of Skip Schumaker and Clete Thomas. Realizing the correlation between fantasy draft position and actual performance, Epstein increased his efforts to trade the embattled outfielder. But Epstein was unable to find an appropriate deal. Much to the bfb's chagrin, Drew accompanied the Red Sox on their season-opening trip to Japan.

It was in Japan that everything finally "clicked" for Drew. Maybe it was the small ballparks. Perhaps it was the smaller baseballs, or the AA-quality pitching. In the two exhibition games in Japan, Drew played as well as he had played in years. His body felt decades younger. Drew was confused by the changes, and asked Epstein to keep him out of the first two regular-season games, also played in Japan. Drew took that time to consider his situation.

When Drew and the Sox returned to the U.S., the outfielder's intermittent pains returned. Epstein and the bfb grew impatient. Three weeks into the regular season, Drew was summoned to meet with the Boston General Manager. Epstein informed Drew that he would be joining the Hanshin Tigers that weekend. Initially, Drew thought he was being pranked, as 2012 NL Cy Young Award Winner Kyle Kendrick of the Philadelphia Phillies had been a month earlier. But this was no joke. It was a blessing. For Drew, the Red Sox, and his new team, the Tigers.

Drew went on to become one of the most successful American players in the history of the Japanese League. Nicknamed "Tetsujin (Iron Man)" by the Japanese fans, the suddenly durable Drew did not miss a single inning in his twelve seasons in Japan. He was celebrated for his work ethic and leadership skills, and followed his successful playing career with an even more successful managerial career.

The deal also worked out pretty well for the Red Sox. Though the sale of Drew's contract to Hanshin did not result in the acquistion of a player in return, it did open up a major-league roster spot for another outfielder. A rookie by the name of Brandon Moss was recalled from the AAA Pawtucket Red Sox to take Drew's roster spot. You don't need to be a member of the Red Sox bfb to know how well that move turned out for the Red Sox organization.